The Challenge Continues

These past two weeks have been such a whirlwind! My dad has been in the hospital but he is doing better. Thank you all for your prayers and concern. Needless to say, I feel so far off course right now. So it is time to refocus and move forward. It is also time for me to get back to blogging!

So its been almost thirty days since I issued the consistency challenge. If you recall, my goal was to do a 20 minute/1 mile workout six days a week. I am happy to report I was more consistent than I had previously been. However, I was not as consistent as I wanted to be. Nevertheless, the challenge continues!

In trying to be consistent, I learned a lot about myself. I became more aware of what my barriers are, when and why I seem the least motivated, and how much I can do when I really push myself. Most days, I went above and beyond my goal and it felt great! The following are some of the things I have learned during the first thirty days of the consistency challenge.

1. Persistence is better than perfection. I am your typical perfectionist. If I can't do it perfectly, I don't want to do it at all! This outlook has always dictated my efforts to lose weight. I would get so upset or feel so defeated if I didn't stick to the letter of the law. What I have learned during this first thirty days is that it is persistence that matters. Yes, I had days when I did not exercise. But, I didn't let those days dictate my success. I would just work extra hard the next day. I kept pushing towards my goal no matter how many times I fell short!
2. Food is my coping mechanism. I realized that I really need to be more consistent with healthy eating. I have significantly changed my eating habits this past year. I did this by becoming more aware of what I was eating and why I was eating. When I am stressed, frustrated or feeling down, I start craving the big food. I mean I want it all--the burger, the fries, the soda and the ice cream for my sweet tooth! Such a meal seems to put my mind at ease. I have learned to combat these emotionally-driven cravings by having an eating plan.
3. Calorie-counting is difficult, but necessary. While I have changed my eating habits, it is not enough. If I am going to see the weight loss that I really desire, I have to be stricter with my calorie-intake. This is no easy task for a busy, working mother! So I have enlisted the help of Diet-To-Go. (I was introduced to this company several years ago by a former co-worker who was trying to lose weight. And lose weight she did! I have seen her recently and she looks like a model!) Diet-To-Go prepares fresh, gourmet, calorie-controlled meals. You pick them up from a local venue twice a week. My first pick up is on Tuesday so we will see how it goes.

So, I am calling on you to join me once again as we work to be consistent for another thirty days. My goals are to exercise at least 30 minutes/six days a week and to stick to my eating plan. And with that, I will be "on my weigh"!

The Moment

I have struggled to write a blog entry this past week. So much has happened and I just did not know where to begin. There is so much that I cannot put into words. But being the perfectionist that I am, I could not let this week pass without writing. So, I have decided to keep it short and simple.

I am learning so much in this process. I am learning so much about how I ended up at this point in my life. Some of the things I am learning are not easy to share. Perhaps, they shouldn't be shared because they are things that only I need to know. But, I will share that for the first time in my life, I am enjoying the process. I mean I am actually taking it all in breath by breath. I am inhaling the joy and the pain. I am allowing myself to feel every moment no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I am truly embracing the journey!

So, wherever you find yourself at this point in your life, no matter how complex, confusing or unbearable,I am encouraging you to savor it. Live every moment of it with no thought of the next. Milk it for all it is worth because I am realizing that there is so much to learn in every moment I am blessed to experience "on my weigh".

Ms. (Not So) Independent

With the summer beginning to wind down, thoughts of the daily grind have began to overtake my mind. Next week, Hubby will be back to work and I will be left to bear the brunt of the childcare--or at least that is how I perceive it. You see, Hubby works about an hour away so he has to leave home early and he returns home later than I would prefer. With the kids now attending daycare, I will have to drop them off in the mornings and I will have to pick them up most afternoons. For those of you who are thinking to yourselves, "that's not so bad", I will remind you that I have three kids and the oldest is 3! So yes, depending on what kinda mood they are all in, it can definitely be that bad.

Hubby has suggested that he gets they kids ready in the morning. That way all I will have to do is get them in the car and drop them off. He would get the kids up by 5:30 a.m. and I would drop them off by 6:30 a.m. That would give me time to go back home, workout, get dressed and head out to work with plenty of time to spare. Theoretically, this is a great plan.

Me being the often guilty-ridden, over thinker that I can be doesn't like the idea of the kids having to go to daycare so early--especially when they wouldn't be picked up until 4:30 in the afternoon. I mean what kind of mother leaves her kids stranded at a cold dark facility for ten hours?!

Okay, so maybe I am overreacting and exaggerating. Yes, it would be ten hours. But the "cold, dark facility" is actually bright, warm and loving. The kids' day is full of activity, learning and fun. They have all made friends and they all love their teachers. They get two healthy, home-cooked meals and an afternoon snack. They even have a quiet, cozy nap time. The alternative would be me having the kids in the morning while I am trying to exercise and get dressed for work. They would be hungry and unoccupied. I would be overwhelmed and frazzled. So why can't I just go along with the plan that Hubby suggested?

The answer to that question reveals yet another weight that I continually take on. This weight is a sneaky one because it is disguised as a seemingly positive trait--being independent. I pride myself on being able to handle it all. I am the quintessential modern woman. I work full-time, take care of my family, and still have time and energy to save the world! I am cool, calm and collected and I always have a plan. I don't like to depend on others and I live by the old adage, "if you want something done, it is best to do it yourself!"

While this is a good thing in a lot of cases. I'm realizing that it sure makes for a hard life. I mean who really wants to be superwoman all the time? And just because you can do it all does it mean that you always have to? I am realizing that I am often too tired to pursue my weight loss goal because I refuse the help of my loving and very capable husband. I can't even count how many times he offers assistance and I turn it down to follow my own plan. In my mind, not doing it all feels like I am loosing my independence. As you can imagine this is a difficult pill to swallow when you have been told all your life to "not be dependin' on no man!" But would I really be loosing my independence? Perhaps, Hubby and I would just be becoming more interdependent. After all, isn't that what marriage is all about?

So I am making the decision to drop the weight of over-independence. I know that I can do it all but I certainly don't have to. I have been blessed with a phenomenal husband, a great family and a host of friends who are always there to support me. Most of all, I have a God who is all sufficient and who will be with me "on my weigh".

The Consistency Challenge

I have come to realize that when trying to accomplish anything, consistency is key. This is especially true with weight loss. You must consistently eat well and exercise. This is where many of us fall short. We are working towards our goal, then we have a bad day. The bad day turns into a bad week and next thing you know, you are way off course.

In some cases, its not the bad days that get us. It's the good days. You know--you work out really hard all week and you are feeling great! What better way to celebrate your accomplishments than your favorite food. Then one thing leads to another and you are back in your old rut. I know, I know...all things in moderation. It is not bad to treat yourself every now and again. But for me, if I start practicing "moderation" too soon, it becomes a slippery slope away from my goals.

Perhaps the reason why so many of us struggle with consistency is that we aren't honest with ourselves. Knowing full well that we hate exercising and have not exercised in years (if ever), we try to commit ourselves to exercising for an hour a day. Less than a week into it, we become overwhelmed and miserable so we give up. That has definitely been the case with me!

So I am starting something new. Instead of focusing on exercising for an hour, I will simply focus on exercising consistently for the next 30 days. I will do a basic 20 minute/1 mile workout six days a week. My only goal is to get my body used to exercising. Any pounds lost will be an added bonus.

I would like to encourage all of you to take what I am calling the "consistency challenge". Maybe you are also trying to lose weight. Maybe you are just trying to stop overspending. Whatever your goal, select one small step towards it and practice consistency for the next 30 days. For added accountability, share your consistency goal with others. Make it your Facebook status, send it as a text to a few close friends, you can even post it here as a comment. There is something truly powerful about sharing your goals with others. Not only does it inspire them, but it motivates you to stick to it. Since I started this blog, I have felt more committed to my weight loss goal. I feel like there are people out there rooting for me and counting on me to reach my goal.

I definitely feel like I am truly "on my weigh" and I look forward to reading your comments and hearing all about your consistency goals. I wholeheartedly believe that together we can all live our dreams!

A New Verdict

It amazes me how many times in a given week (or day for that matter) that I feel guilty. You can name anything and I bet I have felt guilty about it at one time or another. The impetus for my latest guilt trip was making some healthier menu choices for my kids' birthday party. Instead of potato chips, I made a nice fruit salad. Instead of the big cake, I bought mini-cupcakes. Instead of the huge, sugar-filled juice pouches, I bought the Juicy Juice mini juice boxes. Sounds pretty simple right?...

With each healthy choice I made, I thought about how it would impact my party guests. After all, what is a barbecue without chips? And how can you call anything a birthday party without an ice cream cake from Baskin Robins? Furthermore, what kinda fun could kids have without the sugar-induced high from a juice pouch?! Isn't that what a kids' birthday party is all about? Well, for way too long, that has been the case for me.

In my mind, having a healthier party was like breaking a long-standing tradition. It was like dissociating from all I have come to know and love. I felt like I was giving up part of my identity and by doing so, distancing myself from family and friends who share the "traditional" notions of what a party entails. I didn't want to appear judgemental or like a "goody-two-shoes". I just didn't want to offend anyone. And the possibility that it might happen made me feel guilty.

This experience, as awkward as it felt, was so eye-opening for me. I realized yet another weight that has held me back from reaching my goals--the weight of the guilty verdict. There is a constant court trial going on inside of us all. On one side, there are our goals, hopes and dreams for a better future. They plead their case with us and try to convince us to move forward to greatness. On the other side is the jury--made up of all our old habits, traditions and mindsets. Just as we are ready to follow our goals, hopes and dreams, the jury of old habits, traditions and mindsets gives their verdict. GUILTY! Immediately, we are once again confined and our goals, hopes and dreams are left to wait.

I don't know about you but I am ready for a new verdict. Why should I feel guilty for making the changes that I feel are necessary to reach my goals? Why should I let what is behind me constantly dictate what is before me? I am deciding to move forward without guilt and regret and those around me will have to either get with it or get out of my way! The beautiful thing is, those who truly love and care for me will indeed get with it and will help me "on my weigh".


(By the "weigh", I am happy to report that my healthier party was a great success and fun was had by all. I am also happy to report that I am down 5 pounds! Finally, I really appreciate all the positive feedback I have received about my blog. It inspires more than you all will ever know. Together, we are all definitely "on our weigh" to all we want in life!)

Future (Re)Focused

I am a planner. I am very future focused. I am always thinking three steps ahead of the game. I continually contemplate my next big move, my next paycheck, my next task to complete, etc. Even today, I am already thinking about my kids' birthday party tomorrow. Now, there is nothing wrong with forward thinking. In fact, it is a necessary part of leading a productive life. I am starting to realize, however, that constantly gazing into the future is not such a good thing. I am realizing how much I take for granted and how much enjoyment I forfeit as a result of my being so driven by the future.

Perhaps this is one of reasons why weight loss is so difficult. Most of us trying to get our weight down are very focused on the end result--fitting into a certain dress size, no longer having to take a certain medication, looking good at a high school reunion and the list could go on and on. Having a clear goal in my is a good thing. It is what keeps us motivated...right? I am starting to believe that sometimes the opposite is true.

As with anything in life, weight loss is a process. It is murky, messy, full of ups and downs. There are plenty of times when the end goal seems so far off and near impossible. The one or two pounds lost seem trivial and the intense efforts seem pointless in light of the ultimate goal. Instead of being a motivator, your focus on the end result becomes your biggest hurdle.

But what if the ultimate goal was simply to enjoy the journey, to savor it ounce by ounce? What if weight loss was more about learning and growing in self-knowledge and self-appreciation? I have decided to re-focus! Of course, I still have a goal for how much I want to loose and what I want to be able to do as a result of loosing weight. But, that is no longer my central focus. I am freeing myself from yet another weight--the weight of focusing on the future at the expense of enjoying the present. In doing so, I believe that I will be once again "on my weigh"

I've Been Thinking...

Lately I have been doing some thinking...about my thinking. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to think. In fact, my favorite thing is to be alone with my thoughts. To me my mind is my greatest asset. But as I have been thinking about my thinking I have noticed a big problem.

This morning when I woke up, all I could think about was what I needed to do for the kids, for work, for my research. I was thinking about Hubby and all that he needs and wants. I then started thinking about household issues--bills and projects and such. I also thought about my students and whether they would be prepared for today's exam. By the time I took a mental break, I thought about how I had taken no time today to think about my personal goal of loosing weight!

Immediately, I tried to think about how I could have possibly not thought about something that is so important. Then, I thought about how this was always the case when it comes to me thinking about me. I always seem to think about me last! And by the time I start thinking about me, I am too tired to even think about all I need to be thinking about. So, I think to myself, "I will definitely think about me first thing in the morning". But, yup you guessed it, when I wake up all I can do is think of everything but me.

As you can see, the problem is that I let so many things stand in the way of my weight loss goals. Even something as simple as thinking has become a barrier! Thankfully, I have realized that there is a problem. After all, admission is the first step to recovery. So, I am deciding today to keep my goal of weight loss at the forefront of my mind. That means I will spend a little less time obsessing about the needs of others, contemplating work and home responsibilities, and much less time dwelling on unimportant thoughts that only weigh down my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I will still be doing a lot of thinking. I will just be thinking more about what I need to do to reach my goal. By making this small but significant change, I am sure I will be well "on my weigh"!