Muddling Through...

As difficult as this is for me to admit, I am feeling stuck in this weight loss journey. I re-read my previous posts and I wonder where have all of my optimism and drive gone? I have started deviating from my exercise plan and from my eating plan. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means back to my old ways. But I am far enough off of my path to start getting concerned.

Ever since the holidays, I feel like I have been in a constant state of transition. I had six weeks off from work, I was fasting, I had a major exam to complete, a new semester started so my teaching schedule changed, we had two major blizzards that left us trapped in the house for a week...I could go on and on. With so much going on around me, I have not been able to be as consistent as I want and need to be. The lack of consistency has led to a slow down in my weight loss. The slow down in my weight loss has lead to a lack of motivation. So here I am trying to pick up the pieces.

I was discussing all of this with my doctor last week and he suggested that I reduce my calories even more and workout more intensely. I just wanted to cry! I am so tired of this constant battle with my weight. Lately, I have been feeling like this is all so pointless. I am having a hard time remembering why I even wanted to do this in the first place. I am having a hard time visualizing what all this time and effort will afford me. I am trying hard to reconnect with my passion for this and I am truly struggling.

Perhaps this is just a rough patch like so many other times in my life. I can remember wanting to quit college and look at me now. I remember wanting to give up on my dream of homeownership and look at me know. So I am going to keep pressing although I feel like I am only going through the motions. I believe that my motivation will eventually come back and my passion will eventually be reignited. Before I know it, I am sure I will be back on my weigh! Until then, I will just keep at it...

Keeping It All In Perspective

Last year Hubby and I decided to start the year with a 21-day fast. We were so blessed by it that we have committed to making it an annual tradition. So yes, this year we did it again.. January 10th -31st was a time dedicated to seeking God through prayer and fasting. As difficult as it was, I was so sad when it was over. There was something truly magical about spending the time that I would usually be eating in the presence of God. With each hunger pain that I felt, I pushed harder spiritually. During those three weeks, I was not bombarded with the usual cares of life. It was one of the few times in my life when my weight was not at the forefront of my mind. I felt so free. It was as if I had transcended to a new level where I was totally at peace and my faith in God was the only driving force in my life. For those three weeks, everything seemed to be in it's proper place...I was able to keep everything in perspective.

As the fast came to an end, the cares of life started creeping back into my mind. I was concerned with eating, exercising and having enough time to meet all of my obligations. It was all so overwhelming and I started to feel mentally out of control. It was as if I was losing perspective. I immediately realized that the same peace that I had during the fast is always available to me. I realized that God had not left me simply because I was back to my usual eating plan. I realized that His presence and the benefits that come along with it are just a prayer away. I realized that whenever I feel bogged down by the cares of life I can simply cast them all on Him.

My weight is one care that I have a hard time casting. I trust God for so many things but I often feel like my weight is all on me to handle. I am not sure why I can put everything else in perspective except my weight. So as I move forward on my weigh, I am making the decision to be intentional about seeking God's wisdom and direction through this journey. I realize that like everything else in my life, I will fail at losing weight if I do not have Him to lead the way. So with this post, I am giving my weight loss journey over to Him. I am asking Him to help me keep it all in perspective.