Keeping My Goals in Mind

It has been about five months 7-10 hours per week, my fitness level is the best it has been my entire adult life, and I have lost 15 pounds. While I am often tempted to feel that I should be further along with the weight loss, I remind myself that this is a process and that slow and steady is best.

In terms of fitness, I am working on two goals at this present time:

• losing at least 20lbs for the  8-week "Extreme Brickover" competition at my gym
• training for the Baltimore Women's Classic 5k in June

In terms of the weight loss competition, we are in week 5 and I am down 10.2 pounds. I really need to make these next three weeks count, if I am to reach my goal. I have been a bit lax since Easter, but I will be tightening up immediately!

I am really excited about training for the race. I ran the BWC for the first time in June 2010. It was the first 5K that I ran and it was hard...but I finished in a little over 57 minutes! My goal for this year is to finish around 45 minutes. This week was my first week back to running in a while, and I am doing a 17-minute mile. To meet my time goal, I need to be at a 13/14-minute mile. While it will be a challenge, I am excited to have something other than the scale to focus on.

I would like to get this blog going again as a way to keep me on track. With the semester winding down, I am sure that I will be able to write a post at least once a week. Please stay tuned and follow me on my weigh!

A Different Approach

I have recently been feeling the need for some extra support and accountability in terms of my weight loss efforts. With my increasing responsibilities at work and at home, it has become so easy to forsake exercising and eating right on busy, stressful days. This has resulted in some significant weight gain over the past few months. I will not even get into how unhappy I am about that. Instead, I will focus on the fact that what is done is done and all I can do is move forward on a better path.

I contemplated a few different options but decided on 1) starting back with Diet-to-Go, 2) reviving my blog and 3) joining a gym and working with a personal trainer. I started the meal plan and joined the gym last week. Initially, everything was moving along fine. But, yesterday, my emotions and my body rebelled like nothing I had ever experienced. So, I gave in. I had the chicken ranch pizza that I was craving and I did not bother to feel guilty about it. I simply made up in my mind that I would get back on track today.

With that in mind, I am on my weigh to the gym for 45-60 minutes of cardio and a group exercise class. I will let you know how that goes!

I'm Back!

I am so ashamed at how long it has been since my last post. But as you may have guessed, life was more than busy. I completed my Ph.D., the holidays came and went, and yet another semester at work is now underway. While life has been busy, it has been good! I am so happy and I have a peace that I haven't experienced in a very long time. I am experiencing a new level of clarity and I have taken on some new challenges on my journey to shed the weight. I am so excited about all that is going on in my life and I will be sharing the details with you in the posts to come. I am back on my weigh and I hope that you will reconvene the journey with me!

Re-evaluating My Relationship

Now that I am once again working towards my weight loss goals, I have been reflecting on my relationship with food. In doing so, I have come to realize that over the past few months food and I have developed a very unhealthy love/hate relationship. I am the first to admit that I love food! I want food when I am happy, sad, proud, angry...the list could go on and on. The bottom line is that there is no mood, situation, or circumstance that food can't get me through. However, food has also been a source of guilt, anger, frustration and stress for me.

A few weeks ago, Hubby brought to my attention the negative conversation that I have with myself almost every night regarding food. No matter how little or how healthy I eat, I end the night beating myself up about my eating. The crazy thing is that this routine has been so ingrained that I do it without even being aware that I do it! How crazy is that?! I end every night fighting with my food!

What I have realized is that I really need to re-evaluate my relationship with food. Food is not my enemy. After all, there is no way that I can live without it! But food does not need to be my best friend. So as I move along on my weigh I will be conscientious not only about eating healthy but also about keeping my relationship with food in proper perspective.

Beginning Again

A few months ago I made the decision to focus all of my time and energy into completing my dissertation. Part of this shift in my focus meant that my weight loss efforts had to take a backseat to my research and writing. It was a very difficult decision to make but it was also very necessary. As much as I would like to think that I am great at multi-tasking, there comes a point where juggling too many tasks at one time could be disastrous.

Don't get me wrong, I did not totally abandon the healthier lifestyle that I began at the start of this blog. However, my exercise was sporadic at best, my healthy eating was inconsistent, and I developed quite the cupcake addiction. So, here I am desperately needing to get back on my weigh.

The good thing is that I have completed my dissertation and I will be graduating in December. This leaves me with a lot more free time and the energy and enthusiasm to restart my journey toward a healthier, more fit lifestyle. To get back in my groove, I am taking it back to the basics. My initial goal is to exercise every day for at least 30 minutes. At least two days a week, I will run for my 30-minute workout. In terms of my eating plan, I will stick to a strict 1600 calories per day. To help me accomplish this, I am going back to diet-to-go for at least some of my meals.

Perhaps you too are ready to begin again. Well there is no time like the present! My philosophy is that every day is another chance to be better, to do better, and to get back on my weigh! Stay tuned for more inspiration and progress updates.

To Be Continued.....

As you probably have noticed by now, it has been a while since I have blogged. I have been in the throws of my dissertation for the past few months and have had no time for any other writing. But, I am happy to report that the dissertation is coming to a close and I will resume writing very soon. So just in case you thought I was done with this blog please know that I will continue.

The Pain of Perfectionism

My name is Jeanine and I am a perfectionist....there, I said it. I have admitted to the world that I struggle with perfectionism. Lately, this obsession with perfection has become a bit paralyzing. I mean, I am struggling to get things done simply because I want them to be perfect. And as any perfectionist can attest to, if it can't be done perfectly, we don't want to do it at all. This mindset leads to procrastination, anxiety and sheer frustration.

The latest victim of my perfectionism has been my weight loss efforts. Here I was moving along so nicely and now, all of a sudden, I have been feeling completely disappointed and defeated. I have been feeling like I should be so much farther along. I have been feeling like I am not working as hard as I should. I have been feeling like this is all pointless. And most troubling of all, I have been feeling like I am just meant to be overweight and there is nothing that I can do about it.

When I mention how I feel to my family and friends they look at me sideways and then go on to remind me of all the progress that I have made. I continually get complimented on how well I am doing and how the fruit of my labor is evident. Still, somehow in my mind, it is still not good enough. I still feel like I have so far to go and that perhaps I will never make it to my goal. My husband is convinced that I am being too hard on myself and that I need to be more patient.

I know that he is right. I am being unrealistic and the little patience that I have for this journey is running oh so thin. I have been at this process for over a year and I just swore that I would be way beyond this point by now. I guess I had in my mind a perfect little scenario that has not panned out. And as much as I want to dust off my Lane Bryant credit card and accept life for what it has been, I cannot. My perfectionism won't let me quit.

So here I am stuck in this conundrum of perfectionism where it is too painful to continue yet too painful to give in. I am not sure how I will do it but I need to find a way to drop this weight of perfectionism. Perhaps this is one of those rough patches in the journey that will fade. Perhaps I am just going through some sort of transition that has my mind and emotions all out of whack. Perhaps this is just another battle in my war against myself and my old habits and attitudes. Whatever the case, I will just keep pressing on my weigh and I pray that it will all work out in the end.