My name is Jeanine and I am a perfectionist....there, I said it. I have admitted to the world that I struggle with perfectionism. Lately, this obsession with perfection has become a bit paralyzing. I mean, I am struggling to get things done simply because I want them to be perfect. And as any perfectionist can attest to, if it can't be done perfectly, we don't want to do it at all. This mindset leads to procrastination, anxiety and sheer frustration.The latest victim of my perfectionism has been my weight loss efforts. Here I was moving along so nicely and now, all of a sudden, I have been feeling completely disappointed and defeated. I have been feeling like I should be so much farther along. I have been feeling like I am not working as hard as I should. I have been feeling like this is all pointless. And most troubling of all, I have been feeling like I am just meant to be overweight and there is nothing that I can do about it.
When I mention how I feel to my family and friends they look at me sideways and then go on to remind me of all the progress that I have made. I continually get complimented on how well I am doing and how the fruit of my labor is evident. Still, somehow in my mind, it is still not good enough. I still feel like I have so far to go and that perhaps I will never make it to my goal. My husband is convinced that I am being too hard on myself and that I need to be more patient.
I know that he is right. I am being unrealistic and the little patience that I have for this journey is running oh so thin. I have been at this process for over a year and I just swore that I would be way beyond this point by now. I guess I had in my mind a perfect little scenario that has not panned out. And as much as I want to dust off my Lane Bryant credit card and accept life for what it has been, I cannot. My perfectionism won't let me quit.
So here I am stuck in this conundrum of perfectionism where it is too painful to continue yet too painful to give in. I am not sure how I will do it but I need to find a way to drop this weight of perfectionism. Perhaps this is one of those rough patches in the journey that will fade. Perhaps I am just going through some sort of transition that has my mind and emotions all out of whack. Perhaps this is just another battle in my war against myself and my old habits and attitudes. Whatever the case, I will just keep pressing on my weigh and I pray that it will all work out in the end.
