Looking Back...Moving Forward

It is almost hard to believe that 2009 is over. It seems like just yesterday that I decided to start this blog and to really be serious about my weight loss commitment. While I didn't reach my year end goal of 30 pounds, I have definitely made great strides forward. So as we end this year, I wanted to take some time to reflect on all that has happened to me on my weigh and I want to share some of my goals for 2010.

Looking back...

I lost twenty pounds and three inches off of my waist since September 1st!

I now exercise on a regular basis.

I totally changed my eating habits.

I am more confident in my physical abilities.

I am learning to be more interdependent with my Hubby.

I am more mindful of my negative thought patterns and I am working on being more positive.

I am more patient with the weight loss process and the life process in general.

I am more convinced that I can reach my weight loss and life goals!

Moving forward...

I want to lean on God a lot more in this process. I want to focus on Him as my strength and my source for all things and at all times.

I want to be more consistent with my exercise even when life gets stressful and hectic.

I want to be more resilient when I encounter difficult situations.

I want to lose at least 50 pounds by Christmas 2010.

I want to work more intently towards my dream of being a runner.

I want to do at least one race this year.

I want to be more consistent with this blog!

I am so grateful for 2009 and all that the Lord has brought me through. This year has exceeded my expectations in so many ways. I know that I am a much better person as a result of every trial, every adversity and every blessing. I am confident that with the Lord and through the support of my family and friends I will move further on my weigh in the coming year. I wish you all a happy and prosperous new year. May 2010 be our best year yet!

What Do You Expect?

December has been one crazy month! The pressure of the semester's end combined with the hustle and bustle of Christmas has been more than a notion. The holidays for me are always bittersweet. This year was no exception. Things always start out so great but it is always just a matter of time before the dark clouds start looming. Being the sensitive person that I am, it usually takes me at least a week to process my emotions. And during the process, I am usually pretty miserable. Oh how I wish I was the type of person that could just get over it!

But do those people really just get over it? Or is their seeming resilience merely a facade? And how is it that one just gets over something that is so important? I don't think that I will ever find the answers to these complicated questions. What I do know is that I need to do something that will allow me to avoid this emotional turmoil as much as possible. And when it is inevitable, I need to find ways to cope more effectively. In trying to find a solution to my dilemma, I have realized another weight that has plagued me all of my life--the weight of expectations.

As I have mentioned in several posts, I am a forward thinker. For every situation in my life I have some clear ideas about how things should go. In a lot of cases, it all works out and things go just as I expect them to. But there are just as many times that my expectations don't pan out. When this happens, I feel disappointed and I too often find it difficult to bounce back. So I am making a decision to be more flexible and more realistic with my expectations. Don't get me wrong...I am not lowering my expectations. I am simply learning to recalibrate my expectations as necessary, on my weigh!

All in My Mind

For as long as I can remember, I have loved food. I especially love junk food...you know burgers, pizza, and let's not forget cheesteaks. While my new eating plan does include these items, they are the much healthier versions. I especially miss eating junk food on Fridays. There is nothing better than ending a long, hard week with a pizza, some wings, and an icy cold soda. There have been a few times when my junk food cravings have almost sent me over the edge. So now when I get such a craving, I just go ahead and indulge...

That's right, I focus in on that burger, I think about how it would look, smell and taste. I think about the piping hot fries to go with it. I imagine how good it would feel to wash it all down with a Pepsi. I even think about the sweet treat I would eat to top it all off. After a minute or so of this mental indulgence, my craving is satisfied!

What I have come to realize is that the fantasy of junk food is much better than the reality. How many times have you satisfied a junk food craving only to feel miserable shortly after? By indulging mentally I allow myself to enjoy my food fantasy without the harsh consequences of actually eating it. This is a small but effective strategy that helps me on my weigh.

From Anxious to Thankful

As you probably could tell, I had so much anxiety about Thanksgiving. This was the first true test of how much discipline and self-control I have when it comes to food. I mean how on earth was I going to control myself while being surrounded by all the great food, lovingly prepared by my family? How was I going to counter the pressure-filled glances and comments like "that's all you're gonna eat?" The thought of all this was certainly panic-inducing! But, I didn't panic...I simply came up with a plan.

I am so excited to report that I actually stuck to the plan! I had an enjoyable, yet reasonable portion of dinner and dessert on Thursday and it was delicious! On Friday, I had my diet-to-go for breakfast and lunch and I allowed myself one final plate of leftovers. For exercise, I put on the new Bebe and Cece CD after dinner and we all danced and had a good time! On Friday, I remained active by going to the mall and I even went bowling. Today, just as planned, I am back to my regular eating and exercise plan. When I stepped on the scale this morning, I hadn't gained a single pound!

This is a huge triumph for me because I was able to thoroughly enjoy the holiday with my family while still remaining on my weigh! There was so much to be thankful for this year--my dad is doing great, we are all moving forward personally and professionally, the kids are all healthy and growing and we remain so happy as a family! Truly, the Lord continues to bless us. On a more personal note, I am so thankful for this weight loss journey and all that I have accomplished in such a short time. I am thankful for every bit of weight that I have lost--physically, emotionally and mentally. I feel so blessed and inspired to continue on my weigh.

Surviving Thanksgiving

So the Thanksgiving holiday is upon us and I am a little nervous! This is the first major holiday since I started my exercise and eating plan. I have been doing so well and I don't want to start regressing. To make sure I stay on track, I have come up with a step-by-step plan.

1. Realize that this is a holiday. I am going to enjoy this time with my family and I am going to enjoy the food. On Thursday, I am not going to overindulge, but I am certainly not going to deprive myself. I will eat one reasonable plate and I will enjoy a reasonable portion of dessert. Instead of loading up on high-calorie drinks, I will enjoy my usual flavored water.


2. Get back to the eating plan. Instead of eating a plate of leftovers for breakfast, lunch and dinner on Friday, I will go back to my diet-to-go for at least two of my meals for that day. In other words, I will allow myself one reasonable plate of leftovers on Friday.


3. Stay active. Since I will be away from my usual workout, I will have to be creative. But with all the holiday sales going on, I am sure that I will do a great deal of mall-walking!


4. Jump right back into the routine. Sometimes the "holiday spirit" has a way of lingering and before you know it, January 1st is here. The last thing I want to be doing on January 1st is to be making the same old tired weight loss resolution. With this in mind, by Saturday, I will be back to my usual exercise and eating plan.

One thing I have learned is that even the best laid plans sometimes fall short. So, I will follow the plan with my best effort but I will remain flexible should the unexpected happen. I will expect to gain a pound or two but I will work out extra hard over the next few days to keep any weight gain to a minimum. No matter what happens during the holiday, I will not let it keep me from moving forward on my weigh!

Showing Some (Self)Appreciation

The last time I wrote, I was not a happy camper. I was feeling sorry for myself and I must admit that it felt good. But in the midst of my pity party, I read one of my previous blog posts and had an instant reality check. (I knew this blog was a good idea!)In that post, I wrote about weight loss being more than counting pounds. In that post I decided to use my weight loss journey as a time for self-knowledge and self-appreciation. After reading that post, I ended the pity party and sent self-pity on its way!

Since starting this journey back in July, I have learned so much about myself. More important, I have used what I learned to really get on track with my weight loss. I have never been so consistent with my exercise and eating plan. I can honestly say that I have changed my lifestyle. What I have yet to do is take some time to appreciate me and all that I have accomplished so far. With that in mind, here are some things I appreciate about me:

1. I am a reflective person. I am constantly thinking about who I am and what I do with the goal of becoming a better person .

2. I am an inspirational person. I have the ability to bring out the best in my family, my friends, and my students. Even my being open and candid about my weight loss journey has inspired so many to start a journey of their own.

3. I am a loving person. I love people. I love to make them laugh, to listen to their issues, to help them find solutions, and to share my faith. Most of all I love praying and believing God for miracles on behalf of others.

4. I am a good wife and mother. I give my family my all! There is nothing within me that I withhold from them. I see daily how much I add to lives of my husband and my children.

There is so much more that I can say--not out of vanity, but in awe of all that God has put in me. So as I continue on my weigh, I want to appreciate myself more. I encourage you to do the same. Each day we all exercise our greatness--at home, at school, at work. We may look at it as nothing more than simply living life, but we are great indeed!

Green With Envy

Lately, I have been having some less than inspired days. While I certainly don't at all feel like going back to my old eating habits, I am feeling a bit discouraged. In fact, tonight, I am just plain old mad!

I know that I am not supposed to do this but I keep comparing myself to my beloved husband. Since January, he has lost over 90 pounds! Yes, you read correctly--over 90 pounds! No, he didn't get the popular weight loss surgery and he didn't starve himself. He simply made some drastic lifestyle changes. He cut out all the junk food, significantly decreased his calorie intake and started exercising. And voila! he is down almost 100 pounds. He looks great, feels great and I am so proud of him. He is bombarded with compliments everywhere we go and he is glowing with pride.

So why am I so upset you ask...the answer is simple...I want to have lost over 90 pounds too! Why is weight loss so easy for men?! All they do is think about losing weight and they drop down a pant size. It is so not fair. Sometimes being a woman is such a raw deal!

I know, I know, I am on my weigh, but I want to be there now! I am happy for my 17 pounds but I feel like I have so far to go! Don't worry, I am keeping at it. I am not giving up. I know that I will get there in due time. As positive as I try to stay, I am having one of those days and I just needed to vent!

On My Weigh Back

I am sure that you realized that is has been a long time since I last updated my blog. Have no fear...all is well with me. I have just been busy, busy, busy! Aside from being a working wife and mother, I have done two major conferences and have been working diligently on my research. Although I have been busy, I have missed blogging.

Don't get me wrong, I have tried to blog over the past month. I would log on, start writing and then become overwhelmed with all I had to do. And of course, me and my perfectionist tendencies would not allow me to just write without much thought. I mean if I can't write perfectly, why write at all? Right?...

Well, I have realized that I really do enjoy blogging. It is my release from all the stress of my daily grind. Blogging, unlike my professional writing, is free and unstructured. This blog is especially important to me because this is how I process my ongoing weight loss journey. I enjoy sharing my ups and downs--it keeps me grounded and keeps me accountable. Since I do not have a lot of extra time these days, I have decided to shorten my entries. I would rather write a few short entries each month than to not write at all.

I am proud to report that while I have been too busy to blog, I have still maintained my exercise and eating plan. I am down 17 pounds and have lost three inches off of my waist! Rest assured, I am still well on my weigh and I will be doing a lot more blogging to keep you posted on my progress.

Keepin' At It!

So it has been over thirty days since I renewed my challenge and I am still going strong! I have lost a total of 12 pounds and I am feeling great. Of course, the consistency challenge continues, but I wanted to take some time to share what I have learned thus far.

Portion control is huge! Five weeks ago I started using a service called "Diet-to-Go". Contrary to how it sounds, it isn't actually a diet. It is a food service that provides gourmet, calorie-controlled meals. All I have to do is pick up my meals at my local distributor twice a week. The meals are all fresh, not frozen and they are delicious. I get three great meals each day of the week and I never have to prepare them myself. The variety is phenomenal. I get everything from apple pancakes, to grilled salmon, to chicken fajitas. More important, I never feel hungry or deprived.

Using "Diet-to-Go" has been a huge factor in my success. I never realized how stressful eating had become for me. I had to try to prepare meals so that I could eat healthy. I was constantly worried about how many calories I was eating and if I was making the right food choices. On the days that I didn't have time to really plan my meals, I would end up eating some high-calorie meal on the run. That would make me feel guilty and like my exercising was all in vain. That only made me want to eat more and exercise less. Now, eating is stress-free and fulfilling! I never worry about the planning, preparation or portions. That has allowed me to focus my attention on exercising and leading a more active life.

Exercise is addictive! You heard me right, I am addicted to exercising. Now don't get me wrong, I am not spending hours each day in the gym. But, I am exercising daily and enjoying it. My body has finally gotten used to working out and when I don't, my body craves it. I usually do 45 minutes of intentional exercise a day. My routine consists of riding the bike and doing strength training. Outside of this routine, I like to walk around when I teach and I always take the stairs. I try to walk when I have to run errands. I even did a 5K run/walk last month. I also run around and play with the kids a lot more. In fact, we did a family 1 mile race at the park yesterday and dates with Hubby are all about bowling or mall-walking, instead of fattening dinners. As you can see, I am making exercise a lifestyle.

There is no success without self-confidence! This was difficult for me because I never saw myself as athletic or physically inclined. I would try to be more active but felt awkward and out of place. I simply lacked confidence in my ability to be more fit. Over the past thirty days, I fought to keep those feelings out of my mind and I worked at being consistent. Each day that I stuck to my eating and exercise plans, I felt my confidence growing. I also started seeing the pounds drop. This definitely built my confidence. I am losing about 1-2 pounds per week and it feels great. I am more confident than I have ever been in my life. I am determined to lose the weight and I have seen that I can do it!

There is so much more that I could share but I will save some of that for a later post. I will close with this--being consistent really pays off! Sometimes, I get tired and I really have to push myself. But, I have experienced first-hand that setting goals, creating a plan, and sticking to it is what leads to success. I still have a long way to go and so much more to learn. Nevertheless, one thing I do know for sure is that I am further along on my weigh than I had ever imagined!

The Perfect Workout Partner

I am excited to report that I am well on my weigh with my exercise plan! In the past, I approached exercise as a chore--you know something to get done as quickly as possible. I had in my head the amount of time I was going to workout and I never did a minute more. In most cases, I would wind up doing a lot less. Lately, however, I have adopted a new mindset. Instead of dreading my workout and trying to rush through it, I decided to take my time and actually enjoy it.

To do this, I decided that I needed some support...a new workout partner. I needed a partner that was supportive, encouraging and non-judgmental. I needed a workout partner that would listen to me, that would calm all my fears and soothe all my doubts. I needed a workout partner that undertood my innermost feelings and who I knew would have a plan for me. I thought about all of the loving and supporting people in my life, but no one quite fit the bill. Just as I started to feel disappointed, someone came to mind!

I have turned my daily workout into a time to meditate on and fellowship with the Lord--my new workout partner. I play a good gospel CD and I let my mind focus on the message of the music. Instantly, I feel invigorated and encouraged. I imagine myself living the life I want to live. I imagine myself reaching my goals--weight-related and otherwise. I think about how far I have come, how blessed I am and how the Lord is working out every detail of my life to perfection. Before I know it, fourty, fifty, sixty minutes have passed. I usually have such a great time that I have to pull myself away.

The good news is, my new workout partner is available to everyone. Invite Him to join your workout and I am sure you will see success beyond your imagination!

The Challenge Continues

These past two weeks have been such a whirlwind! My dad has been in the hospital but he is doing better. Thank you all for your prayers and concern. Needless to say, I feel so far off course right now. So it is time to refocus and move forward. It is also time for me to get back to blogging!

So its been almost thirty days since I issued the consistency challenge. If you recall, my goal was to do a 20 minute/1 mile workout six days a week. I am happy to report I was more consistent than I had previously been. However, I was not as consistent as I wanted to be. Nevertheless, the challenge continues!

In trying to be consistent, I learned a lot about myself. I became more aware of what my barriers are, when and why I seem the least motivated, and how much I can do when I really push myself. Most days, I went above and beyond my goal and it felt great! The following are some of the things I have learned during the first thirty days of the consistency challenge.

1. Persistence is better than perfection. I am your typical perfectionist. If I can't do it perfectly, I don't want to do it at all! This outlook has always dictated my efforts to lose weight. I would get so upset or feel so defeated if I didn't stick to the letter of the law. What I have learned during this first thirty days is that it is persistence that matters. Yes, I had days when I did not exercise. But, I didn't let those days dictate my success. I would just work extra hard the next day. I kept pushing towards my goal no matter how many times I fell short!
2. Food is my coping mechanism. I realized that I really need to be more consistent with healthy eating. I have significantly changed my eating habits this past year. I did this by becoming more aware of what I was eating and why I was eating. When I am stressed, frustrated or feeling down, I start craving the big food. I mean I want it all--the burger, the fries, the soda and the ice cream for my sweet tooth! Such a meal seems to put my mind at ease. I have learned to combat these emotionally-driven cravings by having an eating plan.
3. Calorie-counting is difficult, but necessary. While I have changed my eating habits, it is not enough. If I am going to see the weight loss that I really desire, I have to be stricter with my calorie-intake. This is no easy task for a busy, working mother! So I have enlisted the help of Diet-To-Go. (I was introduced to this company several years ago by a former co-worker who was trying to lose weight. And lose weight she did! I have seen her recently and she looks like a model!) Diet-To-Go prepares fresh, gourmet, calorie-controlled meals. You pick them up from a local venue twice a week. My first pick up is on Tuesday so we will see how it goes.

So, I am calling on you to join me once again as we work to be consistent for another thirty days. My goals are to exercise at least 30 minutes/six days a week and to stick to my eating plan. And with that, I will be "on my weigh"!

The Moment

I have struggled to write a blog entry this past week. So much has happened and I just did not know where to begin. There is so much that I cannot put into words. But being the perfectionist that I am, I could not let this week pass without writing. So, I have decided to keep it short and simple.

I am learning so much in this process. I am learning so much about how I ended up at this point in my life. Some of the things I am learning are not easy to share. Perhaps, they shouldn't be shared because they are things that only I need to know. But, I will share that for the first time in my life, I am enjoying the process. I mean I am actually taking it all in breath by breath. I am inhaling the joy and the pain. I am allowing myself to feel every moment no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I am truly embracing the journey!

So, wherever you find yourself at this point in your life, no matter how complex, confusing or unbearable,I am encouraging you to savor it. Live every moment of it with no thought of the next. Milk it for all it is worth because I am realizing that there is so much to learn in every moment I am blessed to experience "on my weigh".

Ms. (Not So) Independent

With the summer beginning to wind down, thoughts of the daily grind have began to overtake my mind. Next week, Hubby will be back to work and I will be left to bear the brunt of the childcare--or at least that is how I perceive it. You see, Hubby works about an hour away so he has to leave home early and he returns home later than I would prefer. With the kids now attending daycare, I will have to drop them off in the mornings and I will have to pick them up most afternoons. For those of you who are thinking to yourselves, "that's not so bad", I will remind you that I have three kids and the oldest is 3! So yes, depending on what kinda mood they are all in, it can definitely be that bad.

Hubby has suggested that he gets they kids ready in the morning. That way all I will have to do is get them in the car and drop them off. He would get the kids up by 5:30 a.m. and I would drop them off by 6:30 a.m. That would give me time to go back home, workout, get dressed and head out to work with plenty of time to spare. Theoretically, this is a great plan.

Me being the often guilty-ridden, over thinker that I can be doesn't like the idea of the kids having to go to daycare so early--especially when they wouldn't be picked up until 4:30 in the afternoon. I mean what kind of mother leaves her kids stranded at a cold dark facility for ten hours?!

Okay, so maybe I am overreacting and exaggerating. Yes, it would be ten hours. But the "cold, dark facility" is actually bright, warm and loving. The kids' day is full of activity, learning and fun. They have all made friends and they all love their teachers. They get two healthy, home-cooked meals and an afternoon snack. They even have a quiet, cozy nap time. The alternative would be me having the kids in the morning while I am trying to exercise and get dressed for work. They would be hungry and unoccupied. I would be overwhelmed and frazzled. So why can't I just go along with the plan that Hubby suggested?

The answer to that question reveals yet another weight that I continually take on. This weight is a sneaky one because it is disguised as a seemingly positive trait--being independent. I pride myself on being able to handle it all. I am the quintessential modern woman. I work full-time, take care of my family, and still have time and energy to save the world! I am cool, calm and collected and I always have a plan. I don't like to depend on others and I live by the old adage, "if you want something done, it is best to do it yourself!"

While this is a good thing in a lot of cases. I'm realizing that it sure makes for a hard life. I mean who really wants to be superwoman all the time? And just because you can do it all does it mean that you always have to? I am realizing that I am often too tired to pursue my weight loss goal because I refuse the help of my loving and very capable husband. I can't even count how many times he offers assistance and I turn it down to follow my own plan. In my mind, not doing it all feels like I am loosing my independence. As you can imagine this is a difficult pill to swallow when you have been told all your life to "not be dependin' on no man!" But would I really be loosing my independence? Perhaps, Hubby and I would just be becoming more interdependent. After all, isn't that what marriage is all about?

So I am making the decision to drop the weight of over-independence. I know that I can do it all but I certainly don't have to. I have been blessed with a phenomenal husband, a great family and a host of friends who are always there to support me. Most of all, I have a God who is all sufficient and who will be with me "on my weigh".

The Consistency Challenge

I have come to realize that when trying to accomplish anything, consistency is key. This is especially true with weight loss. You must consistently eat well and exercise. This is where many of us fall short. We are working towards our goal, then we have a bad day. The bad day turns into a bad week and next thing you know, you are way off course.

In some cases, its not the bad days that get us. It's the good days. You know--you work out really hard all week and you are feeling great! What better way to celebrate your accomplishments than your favorite food. Then one thing leads to another and you are back in your old rut. I know, I know...all things in moderation. It is not bad to treat yourself every now and again. But for me, if I start practicing "moderation" too soon, it becomes a slippery slope away from my goals.

Perhaps the reason why so many of us struggle with consistency is that we aren't honest with ourselves. Knowing full well that we hate exercising and have not exercised in years (if ever), we try to commit ourselves to exercising for an hour a day. Less than a week into it, we become overwhelmed and miserable so we give up. That has definitely been the case with me!

So I am starting something new. Instead of focusing on exercising for an hour, I will simply focus on exercising consistently for the next 30 days. I will do a basic 20 minute/1 mile workout six days a week. My only goal is to get my body used to exercising. Any pounds lost will be an added bonus.

I would like to encourage all of you to take what I am calling the "consistency challenge". Maybe you are also trying to lose weight. Maybe you are just trying to stop overspending. Whatever your goal, select one small step towards it and practice consistency for the next 30 days. For added accountability, share your consistency goal with others. Make it your Facebook status, send it as a text to a few close friends, you can even post it here as a comment. There is something truly powerful about sharing your goals with others. Not only does it inspire them, but it motivates you to stick to it. Since I started this blog, I have felt more committed to my weight loss goal. I feel like there are people out there rooting for me and counting on me to reach my goal.

I definitely feel like I am truly "on my weigh" and I look forward to reading your comments and hearing all about your consistency goals. I wholeheartedly believe that together we can all live our dreams!

A New Verdict

It amazes me how many times in a given week (or day for that matter) that I feel guilty. You can name anything and I bet I have felt guilty about it at one time or another. The impetus for my latest guilt trip was making some healthier menu choices for my kids' birthday party. Instead of potato chips, I made a nice fruit salad. Instead of the big cake, I bought mini-cupcakes. Instead of the huge, sugar-filled juice pouches, I bought the Juicy Juice mini juice boxes. Sounds pretty simple right?...

With each healthy choice I made, I thought about how it would impact my party guests. After all, what is a barbecue without chips? And how can you call anything a birthday party without an ice cream cake from Baskin Robins? Furthermore, what kinda fun could kids have without the sugar-induced high from a juice pouch?! Isn't that what a kids' birthday party is all about? Well, for way too long, that has been the case for me.

In my mind, having a healthier party was like breaking a long-standing tradition. It was like dissociating from all I have come to know and love. I felt like I was giving up part of my identity and by doing so, distancing myself from family and friends who share the "traditional" notions of what a party entails. I didn't want to appear judgemental or like a "goody-two-shoes". I just didn't want to offend anyone. And the possibility that it might happen made me feel guilty.

This experience, as awkward as it felt, was so eye-opening for me. I realized yet another weight that has held me back from reaching my goals--the weight of the guilty verdict. There is a constant court trial going on inside of us all. On one side, there are our goals, hopes and dreams for a better future. They plead their case with us and try to convince us to move forward to greatness. On the other side is the jury--made up of all our old habits, traditions and mindsets. Just as we are ready to follow our goals, hopes and dreams, the jury of old habits, traditions and mindsets gives their verdict. GUILTY! Immediately, we are once again confined and our goals, hopes and dreams are left to wait.

I don't know about you but I am ready for a new verdict. Why should I feel guilty for making the changes that I feel are necessary to reach my goals? Why should I let what is behind me constantly dictate what is before me? I am deciding to move forward without guilt and regret and those around me will have to either get with it or get out of my way! The beautiful thing is, those who truly love and care for me will indeed get with it and will help me "on my weigh".


(By the "weigh", I am happy to report that my healthier party was a great success and fun was had by all. I am also happy to report that I am down 5 pounds! Finally, I really appreciate all the positive feedback I have received about my blog. It inspires more than you all will ever know. Together, we are all definitely "on our weigh" to all we want in life!)

Future (Re)Focused

I am a planner. I am very future focused. I am always thinking three steps ahead of the game. I continually contemplate my next big move, my next paycheck, my next task to complete, etc. Even today, I am already thinking about my kids' birthday party tomorrow. Now, there is nothing wrong with forward thinking. In fact, it is a necessary part of leading a productive life. I am starting to realize, however, that constantly gazing into the future is not such a good thing. I am realizing how much I take for granted and how much enjoyment I forfeit as a result of my being so driven by the future.

Perhaps this is one of reasons why weight loss is so difficult. Most of us trying to get our weight down are very focused on the end result--fitting into a certain dress size, no longer having to take a certain medication, looking good at a high school reunion and the list could go on and on. Having a clear goal in my is a good thing. It is what keeps us motivated...right? I am starting to believe that sometimes the opposite is true.

As with anything in life, weight loss is a process. It is murky, messy, full of ups and downs. There are plenty of times when the end goal seems so far off and near impossible. The one or two pounds lost seem trivial and the intense efforts seem pointless in light of the ultimate goal. Instead of being a motivator, your focus on the end result becomes your biggest hurdle.

But what if the ultimate goal was simply to enjoy the journey, to savor it ounce by ounce? What if weight loss was more about learning and growing in self-knowledge and self-appreciation? I have decided to re-focus! Of course, I still have a goal for how much I want to loose and what I want to be able to do as a result of loosing weight. But, that is no longer my central focus. I am freeing myself from yet another weight--the weight of focusing on the future at the expense of enjoying the present. In doing so, I believe that I will be once again "on my weigh"

I've Been Thinking...

Lately I have been doing some thinking...about my thinking. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to think. In fact, my favorite thing is to be alone with my thoughts. To me my mind is my greatest asset. But as I have been thinking about my thinking I have noticed a big problem.

This morning when I woke up, all I could think about was what I needed to do for the kids, for work, for my research. I was thinking about Hubby and all that he needs and wants. I then started thinking about household issues--bills and projects and such. I also thought about my students and whether they would be prepared for today's exam. By the time I took a mental break, I thought about how I had taken no time today to think about my personal goal of loosing weight!

Immediately, I tried to think about how I could have possibly not thought about something that is so important. Then, I thought about how this was always the case when it comes to me thinking about me. I always seem to think about me last! And by the time I start thinking about me, I am too tired to even think about all I need to be thinking about. So, I think to myself, "I will definitely think about me first thing in the morning". But, yup you guessed it, when I wake up all I can do is think of everything but me.

As you can see, the problem is that I let so many things stand in the way of my weight loss goals. Even something as simple as thinking has become a barrier! Thankfully, I have realized that there is a problem. After all, admission is the first step to recovery. So, I am deciding today to keep my goal of weight loss at the forefront of my mind. That means I will spend a little less time obsessing about the needs of others, contemplating work and home responsibilities, and much less time dwelling on unimportant thoughts that only weigh down my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I will still be doing a lot of thinking. I will just be thinking more about what I need to do to reach my goal. By making this small but significant change, I am sure I will be well "on my weigh"!

Dropping the Weight(s)

I recently decided that it is time for me to loose weight. I am done having kids, my career has taken off and my marriage is stronger than ever. I finally have some time to focus on me! But, like most of you trying to weigh less, I have realized that this is no easy task. I have realized that loosing weight is so much more than pounds and inches. It is about getting rid of all the things in life that keep you feeling heavy--things like being a guilty mom, dwelling on the past, worrying about the future, not getting enough sleep, and wasting too much time on fruitless endeavors.

So here I am on may way...or shall I say "on my weigh" to a better life. One where I am focused on and driven by only the things that matter the most--faith, family, health and happiness! For me, loosing the weight is directly tied to what is important. I want to exercise my faith in God to help me conquer these areas of my life. I want to be more available to my family. I want to lead a healthier life--physically and otherwise. Accomplishing all of this will make me an even happier me.

In this blog I will be sharing my weight loss journey. I will share my ups and downs and the insight I gain along the way. In terms of my physical weight loss, my goals are simple. I would like to lose 30 lbs. by Christmas. I will exercise at least 20 minutes daily and I will change my eating lifestyle. As for the other weights in my life, I want to conquer them by keeping all things in perspective. This is the not so simple part! But with my faith in God, the love and support of family, friends and blog followers I know I can do it!